pondering

I have been browsing other blogs the last couple of days, and I find that the ones I think are interesting (as a stranger) are the one that talk more about what the author is thinking than what the author is doing. Reading about people I know, both aspects are interesting. So I began to think about including more of the "spiritual stuff" and my thoughts and feelings, etc. At first I thought I would make a separate place for that. Number 1, I know many of my regular readers won't agree with my conclusions on many topics, and I don't want to offend anyone. Number 2, which should be the lesser concern, but isn't: I am a very "private" person. I'm like the 7th grader who has a huge crush, but nothing would be so terrible as for the other person to know it. I really get terrified at the thought of other people knowing what I think. (I'm trying to find a place to put in a paragraph break, to make it easier to read, but so far it all runs pretty hard together. we'll see.)
So why is that? My parents were probably raised to not talk about their feelings, and God was something they did on Sunday, but let's not get radical. But they made a strong effort to tell us they loved us, and really tried to bring God into the everyday. But I always felt it was an effort. (Sorry if I hurt your feelings here, that isn't my intention; I'm just working through. Hang with me.) Dad hugged us because Dr. Dobson said he should. Reading the Bible was easy - we all liked to read - but talking about it always seemed awkward. This is part of what makes it interesting to see them as they are older: it started with Zane, but is more pronounced with the grandchildren - the interaction seems a much more natural flow than it did to me (and Wil and Heather).
Now, it's entirely possible that the fault was all in me. Maybe they really were just saying what was on their hearts and I just didn't want to hear, so it sounded strange to me. I'm fully aware that conversation isn't all in the throwing, but is largely in the catching. Either way, I don't fault Mom and Dad because I really think they did a great job in imparting love and wisdom, and I know they did their best. But I'm just saying maybe it had an effect on me not wanting to share. I'm sure they remember how I used to cry anytime I had to say something important.

Definitely time for a paragraph break.

SO I also thought maybe it should be a separate blog and let "strangers" read it, but not advertise it to family. But that would be stupid! Of all the people who might understand, and who might decide to like me anyway, surely my family will be at the top of the list.

So all this to say that I'm gonna try to cover both aspects of my life - the thinking/feeling, and the doing. Hope no one minds too much.